Qualified to follow Jesus
If some guys named Barker, Cleese and Corbett do a sketch together, it is pretty much the law that you have to steal the idea and repurpose it for church, so I have. Here is the script:
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8 February 2010 Jeff Gill
tags: drama,
jesus,
silly,
video
Jesus loves everyone?
Jesus Loves Everyone from Jeff Gill on Vimeo.
I filmed this with my 10-12 year-old group on Friday. We showed it at our Sunday meeting today and I spoke on the scandalous love of Jesus. Substitute a few names, and you’ve got a sketch that is guaranteed to get people thinking. Greg Boyd would be proud.
5 July 2009 Jeff Gill
tags: drama,
kingdom of god
Waiting for the Kingdom of God
In this sketch I present two opposing but equally inaccurate visions of the kingdom of God and show off their ugly sides with with some comedy violence. Nothing gets the crowd happy like the guy getting a knee to the groin.
Two people in a queue. They stand uncomfortably for a bit (draw it out) then start to talk.
Woman: So you signing up for the kingdom of God?
Man: Yeah. You?
Woman: Mmm hmm.
(pause)
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18 May 2009 Jeff Gill
tags: drama,
silly
Like 'yeah?' or whatever.
Today at our church’s Sunday meeting a California stoner/surfer guy (okay, me) came and did a poetry reading. His poem was about judgemental people. Between stanzas all the people in the building belted out the chorus of The Beatles You’ve Got to Hide Your Love Away.
Here is the poem:
I’m checking out the people as I walk down the street.
I’m passing out my judgements on everyone I meet.
You’re snide.
You’ve died.
You’re far too wide.
You’ve cried.
You lied.
You want a date? Denied!
I’m feeling good about myself. I’m whistling a tune.
I’ve grown superior to you like a great big balloon.
You’re weak.
You geek.
You greasy freak,
Don’t speak.
You leak.
I’d call that nose a beak.
I’ve had a lot of practice from watching the TV.
That old Simon Cowell ain’t got nothing over me.
You sing?
Don’t sing!
My ears will sting.
Don’t cling.
You’re wrin-
kling my clothes, you ming.
My reputation is the world’s greatest cynic.
I justify my arrogance by being ironic.
Green pus.
Size plus.
Your bum’s a bus –
Discuss.
Don’t fuss,
You hippopotamus.
Hey! Where are you going. Don’t just walk away.
I’ll joke about someone else and not you for today.
Stay here.
Have beer.
I like you near,
It’s clear.
Oh dear.
Fine! I’ll sit right here and sneer.
I’m feeling rather lonely up here in my room.
My friends have all departed. I’m in a fog of gloom.
They’re bad
I’m sad
I’m really mad
Not glad
They had
To hate my cynical fad.
The only other thing you need to know about this is that is that it worked and it probably made Jesus happy.
Amen.
10 May 2009 Jeff Gill
tags: drama,
poems,
silly
Getchyer sketches here
I’ve posted a number of sketch scripts. Here are a few thoughts about how to use them:
- Read them out loud. It is hard to tell if a script is any good if you are reading it silently. Act it out a bit. Bring it to life.
- These sketches are free. Take them. Use them. Share them. If one of them works for you, could you tell me?
- Chop and change. These sketches were written for specific meetings. You may need a different ending or a different type of character. So do that. Re-write to suit your needs.
- Be silly.
- Be physical. My experience is that people laugh harder when I get hit on the head with a frying pan than they do at the really clever joke with a nod to the Two Ronnies that I’ve slaved over for a week.
Hope this helps.
4 May 2009 Jeff Gill
tags: communication,
drama
Sketch: The Tooth Fairy
Drunken Tooth Fairy enters, takes a swig from his bottle, wipes his mouth with his sleeve: All right, where’s the kid? There she is.
Tooth Fairy feels under the pillow for a tooth, but doesn’t find one. He curses, sets the bottle down and pulls out a pair of pliers: Kid, you’re getting yourself some money whether you want it or not. I’ve got quotas to meet.
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4 May 2009 Jeff Gill
tags: depression,
drama,
silly
Hooray for 678
In my group of kids in years six, seven and eight we are studying the parables of Jesus. Obviously, the thing to do is to write a parable. I gave them three ideas to choose from. They picked one and wrote a story. Two weeks ago we filmed it. Today is it’s worldwide premier.
I proudly present a story about the way people view God and the way God actually is and the reason God gives us commands: Daniel and the Lions.
1 March 2009 Jeff Gill
tags: children,
drama,
silly,
stories,
video
Two angels talking about earth
What a mess.
What’s he going to do about it, then?
Dunno. You’d think he’d be pretty worked up about it. I mean, I’m pretty worked up about it. Look at them. It’s non-stop killing violence and wickedness down there. They are so good at wickedness! If I didn’t know better, I’d say they invented wickedness.
They didn’t. Lucifer did.
I said, if I didn’t know better. Of course I know…
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15 February 2009 Jeff Gill
tags: drama,
silly
The importance of wearing pants
Regular readers know that Christine and I write and perform a sketch most weekends at our church. I like to write things that are subtle and witty. A couple months ago in a sketch that borrowed a lot of inspiration from the Two Ronnies racing pigeon sketch my character invited the audience to his house for a barbecue at which Argentinian Racing Pigeon was the meat on the menu. All I got from that line were a few confused looks. After the meeting no one came up to me to tell me how much they appreciated the Two Ronnies reference. No one said anything about the Two Ronnies.
On the other hand this past weekend I wore pants* over my trousers and buttoned my coat around my neck like a cape. The laughs were many and vigourous.
Being clever is fine. Communication that connects with your audience, even if it is not clever or cool is better. Wearing pants over your trousers is best.
Make your communication about your audience, not about yourself.
*That’s underwear for American readers.
28 October 2008 Jeff Gill
tags: communication,
drama
Kylie and Jason have nothing on us
Christine and I created these characters that visit our church on a regular basis. Myfanwy is a lovely but bossy and slightly dim girl from the valleys of South Wales. Jedediah Garcia – all his friends call him Tex Mex – is a sort of grumpy Texas cowboy transplanted to North Wales. He owns a monkey ranch just outside Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch on the island of Anglesey.
Tex Mex and Myfanwy have been sort of falling in love over the last couple years. This past Sunday they sang a duet together. Here it is:
12 October 2008 Jeff Gill
tags: drama,
music,
silly
Vision
Mary and Professor Zelf, who I like to think of as an American cross between Count Arthur Strong and Andy Parsons, returned to i61 this weekend in a sketch that stole most of the acting inspiration from this little piece of genius from the Two Ronnies:
Mary walks onstage holding a long pole. Professor Phuluvem Zelf then comes on blindly using…
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15 September 2008 Jeff Gill
tags: drama,
i61,
silly
The meaning of baptism
Today at i61 we baptised eight nine people. Hooray! This is today’s sketch. You might find it useful, unless your church is in North America.
Mary: Hello, my name is Mary and I am here to explain baptism. Baptism is very important. It is something that Jesus said we should do when someone decides to follow him. What it means when we are baptised is—
Professor Phulovem Zelf: (coming onstage) No! No! No! This is all wrong. We are talking about baptism here. Baptism! Are we so foolish as to think that the sacred and subtle ritual of baptism can be understood by a child? No! A thousand times, no! Run along and find a biscuit now, dear. I’ll take it from here.
Mary: But—
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7 September 2008 Jeff Gill
tags: drama,
silly
The good Samaritan goes home
Inspired by this sketch I wrote a sketch which avoids the wife-hating and features a ninja:
Joanna: Where is he? He should have been home ages ago. She gasps. What if he was the one they attacked! No, they said he was a Jew. But Nathan looks like a Jew sometimes when the light is low…
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20 April 2008 Jeff Gill
tags: drama,
silly,
stories
Dressing for church
(entering shop) You’ve got to help me!
Madame, that is what I am here to do. I am Walter J Wolf, king of Christian Couture. In what way may I be of assistance?
My friend invited me to church and I said yes and I’ve never been to church before and I don’t know what to wear or what to say and I’m going to make a total fool of myself.
A common fear, but one that need not overwhelm you, not once you have set foot in this shop. First of all, let’s think about your clothing –
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24 March 2008 Jeff Gill
tags: church,
drama,
i61,
silly
Jesus's job interview
I wrote and Christine and I performed this sketch at our church on Sunday. Christine would be a brilliant HR person.
Welcome to Saviours PLC, Jesus. Is it okay for me to call you Jesus?
Yes, that’s fine.
So you would like to become a saviour?
That’s right.
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17 March 2008 Jeff Gill
tags: drama,
stories
Look! Another video
This video will make no sense out of the context of the script, but watch it anyway. It’s only a minute long.
If you click on the link for the script you will notice that it takes you to a wiki site called The Crick. The Crick is the site where I post all my notes for my lessons and messages and sketches.
Why would I want to do that? Several reasons.
- It is a good place to store them.
- I can get to them no matter what computer I happen to be using.
- They are easy to share with people (e.g. actors in the sketches or you).
- Anyone can edit and improve them.
There are many, many wonderful people giving away ministry material on a billion websites all across the internet. Some look like they’ve not been touched since 1998. Others are branded up to the eyeballs so you who’s giving you all that goodness.
The thing is, for incredibly picky people like me nothing, whether free or purchased, is quite right. I always end up changing it to make it fit what I am doing. So I thought, what if lots of people could give away their stuff – and really give it away, unbranded, with no usage restrictions and open to improvement? That would be cool. And useful. In time, once enough material was on there, a creative youth or children’s minister could go to The Crick and put together their own curriculum. For free.
That’s my crazy idea. If you or someone you know might be interested, let me know in the comments or at jeff at gmail dot com. Meanwhile, if you are looking for a sketch, there are six here.
2 December 2007 Jeff Gill
tags: drama,
the crick,
video