The good Samaritan goes home
20 April 2008 Jeff Gill
Inspired by this sketch I wrote a sketch which avoids the wife-hating and features a ninja:
Joanna: Where is he? He should have been home ages ago. She gasps. What if he was the one they attacked! No, they said he was a Jew. But Nathan looks like a Jew sometimes when the light is low. No, that’s sily. It wasn’t him.
Nathaniel: Happy anniversary, dear. He tries it again in a different voice Happy anniversary, dear. I seriously doubt it. Two hours late, gifts spoiled, short break money half spent – What was I thinking helping that guy? He would have been fine. Probably. And if he wasn’t – well he was a Jew. What have they ever done for us? Happy anniversary, dear. No, it isn’t going to work. I really screwed up this time, and she is not going to let me forget it for a very long time. Maybe I could pretend that I was the one who was beaten up and robbed. Get a little victim sympathy – oh boy. She’s not even waiting until I get inside. Get in their first, Nate. Hiya, Jo. I’m so sorry I’m late. I, well—
Joanna reaches him and throws her arms around him. You’re safe! I was so worried. I was afraid it was you. I know that’s silly but – oh, happy anniversary, darling! She pulls him toward the house.
N: Erm, yes, well, yes. Happy anniversary. The thing is, I had planne—
J: Well, we all have plans don’t we, but I have had an epiphany.
N: A what?
J: A moment of enlightenment. My faith in humanity has been restored. Do you know what Dorcas told me this morning?
N: No, but let’s not jump to any conclusions. You know what Dorcas is like.
J: Nathan, this is God’s honest truth. Mary told her. It’s going all around the market.
N: Well, that makes it true then.
J: A man was attacked on the road to Jericho yesterday.
N chokes in surprise. Well… that’s not news is it?. It happens practically every day. Idiots. Deserve what they get, trying to get through that country on foot.
J: They left him for dead.
N: That’s usually what they do.
J: But he wasn’t dead. And somebody stopped to help him.
N: Only a fool would do that.
J: That’s what I thought.
N: Did you?
J: Yes, but then Dorcas told me what he did next. He was giving the poor man CPR when the highwaymen came back—
N: And they beat the fool to a pulp, ran off with his donkey and left him for dead. End of story. Lesson learned. Next time keep looking straight ahead and hang on to your anniversary gifts.
J: No! What are you even talking about?
He fought them off.
N: No he didn’t.
J: He did. And the victim was a Jew. And he was a Samaritan.
Imagine that! A Samaritan helping a Jew.
N: What is the world coming too? Right. lovely story dear.
Let’s get some dinner on shall we? You must be starving, what with all that worrying and gossiping in the market—
J: You don’t get do you?
N: I keep thinking I’m about to. Once you notice the distinct lack of luggage with me, he whispers.
J: Nathan, think about it. He saved his enemy’s life, fought off the pirates, gave him expert medical attention, paid for his hotel and disappeared in a whirl of dust. This man is a hero!
N: Is he?
J: He’s some kind of Samaritan ninja.
N: Jo, he’s probably just some ordinary guy, trying to do the decent thing.
J: Ordinary guys don’t beat off 20 bandits while administering CPR. I’m telling you, he’s a ninja – the Samaritan Ninja. And he is going to set the world to rights.
N: I really don’t think we’ll ever hear from him again.
J: This could be the start of a brand new era – no crime, Samaritans and Jews learning how to be friends again…
N: Jo—
J: …lower taxes—
N: Jo, listen to me! I – I have a confession to make. The business trip didn’t turn out like I planned, and I now I can’t give you the wine and oil and cloth that I promised you for our anniversary.
J: Nathan, it’s okay.
N: Is it?
J: I’m just glad you are safe and we’re together. And anyway, soon the Samaritan Ninja will usher in an era of prosperity and we’ll all be rich. She sighs dreamily.
N: Right. I’m just going to have a bath, and he get up to leave the room.
J: Sorry dear. I was miles away. What did you say?
N: I just said I was going to hang up my ninja costume.
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tags: drama,
silly,
stories
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