Rite of Passage
The Boy himself dressed for Red Nose Day festivities at school.
My son turned 11 yesterday, which got me thinking about how soon he would be a teenager, which got me thinking about what a rotten job our culture does helping children turn into adults.
It’s not that we don’t love our kids. We do. We almost turn them into little gods and goddesses. We offer them lavish sacrifices of electronics and bicycles and baby dolls and Lego. We pray sincere prayers to them daily to keep them pacified and turn away their wrath. (‘Just do what daddy, says and I will give you a special treat afterwards.’) But the one thing we don’t really know how to do is help them grow up.
Two years ago I wrote a post about what we have lost. Now that he is only two years away from the magical age of 13, I need to start putting my thoughts into action.
So here are some rough thoughts I have about a rite of passage for my son:
Preparation
I want him to know what it means to be a godly man, the challenges the choices, the rewards. I want him to understand that the teen years are the time when he will become a man, physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually. I want him to understand growing up as one of the greatest, most fun adventures of life. I want him to come to his teen years with a strong foundation of what it means to follow Jesus and what God has done for us through Jesus’ life, death and resurrection.
This is going to take some time. I think I need to get busy now.
Ceremony
This is a big deal. A party with some friends and a badge to pin on isn’t going to cut it. Judaism has the Bar and Bat Mitzvah (son or daughter of the commandment). Seeing as our faith has its roots with the Jews, I can probably get some inspiration there.
From Wikipedia:‘According to Jewish law, when Jewish children reach the age of majority (generally thirteen years for boys and twelve for girls) they become responsible for their actions, and “become a Bar or Bat Mitzvah”… This also coincides with physical puberty. Prior to this, the child’s parents are responsible for the child’s adherence to Jewish law and tradition and, after this age, children bear their own responsibility for Jewish ritual law, tradition, and ethics and are privileged to participate in all areas of Jewish community life.’
I want his birthday to be marked by a ceremony of significance with people from many generations taking part. Beyond that, I’m not sure what it should be. I have a whole list in my head of things it shouldn’t be, but there’s no reason to list them now.
Affirmation
Here’s one thing I know I want. I want a bunch of people from our community, in and out of church to talk to him, about his value as unique person. The teen years are a time of launching out into the unknown. So much is new. So much has never been experienced before. So much of it happens alone in the mind of a teenager. How much richer and exciting will this period of exploration and failure and triumph be for him if he knows that all around him is a community that values him for who he is!
Vision
Of course too many warm fuzzies will kill a person. That’s why I want to give him something to strive for, a challenge from his family and community to not avoid the things that are hard, the things that require ‘taking up your cross’ like Jesus, because that is where he will find his life. I want him to have a vision of a life that matters.
Challenge
Finally, I would like to kick off his teenage years with a challenge. I want something that will stretch him physically, mentally and spiritually. Something fun, but hard too. Something that will give him a sense of accomplishment when he completes it. Something that benefits others. Something he and I can do together. Something that lasts about a week.
I don’t know what direction my son’s life will take, but I am confident that he will get there in better shape if Christine and I can reclaim the lost genius of the rite of passage.
18 March 2009 Jeff Gill
tags: children,
parenting,
youth
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